I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
