I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
