we were pretty classy up until the second keg
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
