No, drunk sperm still make babies.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
