Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
