shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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