im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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