David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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