I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
