We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
