My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
