"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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