her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
