Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
