I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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