Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
