Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize