I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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