im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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