Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize