Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
