Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
