Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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