Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Randomize
