I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
