my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
