Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
