i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
