you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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