apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
