You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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