I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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