i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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