Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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