the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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