So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
