I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
