I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
