The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
