Already got asked if we're dating
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize