The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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