I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
