watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Sober January is a disaster.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
