Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Randomize