Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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