the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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