Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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