i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
