I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize