so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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