I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I am mentally ready for anal.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
