I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
