I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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