I wish I could teleport
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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