I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize