hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
