We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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