That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
