I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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