I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
