You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
