She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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