you guys were way drunker than both of me
grandma shit on top of the toilet
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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