Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
These tits shall not be calmed
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
