the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
