im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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