you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
