How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
