areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
